Monday, January 28, 2008

insert title here

john left for six days this morning.

that's a cake walk comparatively so it almost doesn't deserve blogging. but i'm not so much blogging about his being gone, or how lonely i am or busy i am or anything like that. i'm blogging about it because something occurred to me last night when i got home from dropping him at the boat.

when we say goodbye it's like i take a big breath and then hold it as long as i can. when i inevitably exhale, there's a funny, unpleasant smell in the air. pretty soon my brain gets tired of being reminded of this funny, unpleasant smell and it ignores my nose- but the smell is still there. i smell it, ella smells it and i think even josiah smells it a little. when john comes home, no matter how long he's gone, that funny, unpleasant smell disappears and all of a sudden i'm reminded of what clean air smells like.

the sad thing is that what i really need to do is not hold my breath at all- just breath it in and get myself used to the smell so that i can carry on without constantly thinking 'what is that smell?' that way i function quite normally throughout the day and am only reminded when i crawl into bed by myself that something isn't quite right.

how that for a heavy post on a monday morning?

well, i'm off to the gym...maybe i can lose a pound before he gets back!!!

No comments: