fun with grandpa

remember that heat wave we had a couple of weeks ago? you know the one that came on suddenly and reminded us all why we really don't want summer to arrive, even though we've been complaining about how "cold" it is in san diego in the winter? the one that came before the "summer heat" actually arrived? the one where the week before, the average temperatures were in the mid 60s and then one day it was 95 and then the next day it was 65 again?!?

you know what i'm talking about, right?

well, at that same time, i decided to turn on the a/c so josiah could take his nap in relative comfort and discovered that our a/c is broken.

we decided that a much better way to beat the heat would be to travel to "grampa" wagner's house and hang out under the lovely trees in the backyard and sit in the kiddy pool. so, that's exactly what we did.

it was a lovely day, as it always is when we get to spend the day with grampa. he always has interesting stories to tell and will condescend to sit and lounge with us and let kids squeal and splash him.

grampa is fun.

we love grampa.

can't you tell?

i couldn't resist

i just love the way he can crack himself up- and his giggle is contagious!

home improvement project 1B

after walking up to my front door for a total of 790 days (give or take), it finally got to me. it being the planters and general "look" of my walkway. there isn't much to the entrance to our humble abode- but that doesn't mean it has to look so bad.
when we moved in, someone had been using the dirt area under the stairs as a trash dump and had let a spider plant loose in the planter. said spider plant had taken over an area 6 or 7 square feet and had managed to kill a bougainvillea and three jasmine plants. the spider plant had become so invasive that i didn't even know the jasmine existed until i'd cleared 1/2 of it away.
so, a couple of weeks ago, ella and i got our head scarves out, donned our "work clothes" and started tearing away at the spider plant. after 3 or 4 hours of manual labor, we'd managed to clear all of this (please note ella's gardening clogs):

out of this area:

and now it looks like this:






and this:

and the area under the stairs that looked like this:

now looks like this:


although i'm thinking of adding a few finishing touches, home improvement project 1B is now as they say "close enough for government work."
it's made me a much happier person...we'll see what john thinks when he gets home and sees what i've spent money on...

oh, and in case you're wondering- home improvement project 1A was laying a rug in the front room...hey you gotta start somewhere?!? it looks awesome.

what a crock!

i am so excited that it's nearly embarrassing. i've been looking, literally, for years to find the perfect butter crock. it all started in 2004 in pensacola...my friend katie has an enormously talented sister who makes amazing pottery (her grandpa makes amazing wood items too and she grew up on a cattle ranch in idaho- what a life!).

anyway, katie's sister made her a butter crock. for those of you who don't know- a butter crock (according to wikipedia- my students' favorite reference source) is a "...19th century French-designed pottery crock [that] holds the butter packed in its lid (where it is held by surface tension), and water is added to the base. The water creates an airtight seal that keeps oxygen away from the butter so that refrigeration is not needed, and the butter can be used in its soft form."

it's awesome. it alleviates that "goldilocks" dilemma where butter from the fridge is too hard- and destroys the very piece of toast it's supposed to moisten and butter on the counter is too soft- causing you to use at least a half a stick of butter for each piece of toast.

and my butter crock looks cool. which, obviously, is the most important thing. yes, it was $20. was it worth it? you be the judge.

finally!

i've been trying to find a bath faucet cover that will work in our bathroom. this has been problematic because in our bathtub, in order to turn on the shower, you have to pull up on a little plunger at the front of the faucet. this design means that we can't use the typical faucet cover- unless john & i want to relegate ourselves to a life of bathing.

somehow, the thought of "cleaning" myself by floating around in water that contains all of the dead skin and filth that has liberated itself from my body is a little yucky.

enter the boon faucet cover, yay!

it includes two ridiculous "selling points." one, you can add bubble bath to it and the kids can dispense it at their leisure; two, the water pours out in a "gentle waterfall." well, thank the Lord for that- josiah was nearly knocked over last week.

cherry pickin'

while visiting my parents in littlerock (that's one word, small r, within-the-borders-of-california littlerock) we decided to go cherry picking.

first of all, wow. i've never seen cherries on the "vine" as it were. even so, i wasn't expecting this:

pretty, right?

and this ladies and gentlemen is $18.50 worth of U-pick cherries. can anyone say rip-off?

i scream, you scream

...josiah screams for ice cream.

not that he's picky (at all)- that kid will eat nearly anything. in fact, the only thing i've tried that he doesn't like is green beans. i know, ridiculous, right? he'll eat broccoli ground up in plain yogurt like it's going out of style; he'll gobble up spinach and he's got quite a taste for chicken paprikosh (well, i can't fault him there). but green beans, heck no! well, heck no unless you mix a little formula into them- then it's all good.

but i digress...

at first, he's tentative. he thinks to himself, well...grammy's eating it. i always want everything that someone else is eating, so i guess i'll give it a go...

in the words of my daddy "sweet holy goodness", this stuff is AMAZING, gimme more...now!

and we all shine on...

ella has sustained her first "major injury" since her broken arm. she has this not-so-stable chair that i'm forever warning her to sit still in. two nights ago she wiggled herself right out of it and smack dab into a toy that was lying on the living room floor next to it...with her face.

the end result was this:like the arm, this eye has me living in a perpetual state of panic that someone is going to call and report me for child abuse.

the wild, wild west

back in november, ella asked her grammy if she could take her to camp snoopy for her birthday. grammy, of course, said yes. grammy also thought it would be fun to take ALL the grandkids to camp snoopy...she's a very brave grammy.

so, on may 9, the kids and i ventured up to beautiful, scenic buena park and met grammy, grandpa, aunt jenni, uncle mario, gracie, caleb and joshua at the knott's berry farm entrance.

we had lots of fun...

first we rode the stage coach

then we bought light up visors

i'm not sure whether these were more fun for the kids or the adults...

then we rode some rides

then we made sand animalish-thingeemabobbers

all-in-all, the babies weren't impressed

but it sure wore uncle mario out!

finally, we were ready to go home. but not before we memorialized our trip with a pit stop at the old west tin-type photography studio.

thanks, grammy & grandpa for a GREAT day!

yay!

ella's been bugging me for WEEKS to look through her "panda crafts"- all of the things that she made during her 2006-07 preschool year. i've been putting it off because...well...just imagining adding to the chaos around this place is exhausting.

but, finally, a couple of days ago we went through the folder.

not that i didn't enjoy looking over all of ella's handiwork, but i have to admit that the highlight was finding this:

you see, i've found that the number of photos that include sandra & me is woefully small. so, i was terribly excited to find this one- which i think is a nice shot of the both of us. as long as you can overlook the fact that i'm a bit chubby looking. in my defense, i was 8 months pregnant.

anyway, i just wanted to share it- it was a fun day and i'm so thankful to have a reminder of it.

ahhh, sweet relief

put a fork in me, i am DONE!

and when i say done, i mean done...with this semester's microbiology class. i gave the last exam this evening and finished inputting my grades just a moment ago. they managed to close the class with an 81% average.

maybe i'm too easy on them. boy, i bet they'd love to hear that.

at any rate, i'm done.

at least, that is, until june 17th when the summer semester starts. now THAT will be fun. four days a week, 4.5 hours a day, for eight weeks. mmm hmmm, they're going to love it.

i actually prefer the summer session.

as a student, i'm sure it sucks. but for the professor who's already taught the class it is, as they say, pan comida. and i get paid twice as much because the class is twice as often. and i get evenings off.

until next fall, when i start teaching the monday/wednesday night section.

hmmp.

well, for now i'm stoked.

and john will be home tomorrow for a day and a half, so that should be nice...if by "should" i mean "definitely" and by "nice" i mean "rockin."

even though none of my students even know this blog exists, i just want to give them a little shout out. they did a really good job and i'm proud of them. it's a tough class- and i'm not only saying that because i'm so smart.

well, happy summer everyone!

p.s. local ladies...i'll be planning a "girls' night" here at casa de wagner in the next couple of weeks. since john will be gone, i'll be needing some one to talk to who is older than 5. and y'all fit the bill. so, stay tuned for details. and those of you out-of-towners who might be reading this, you're invited too- come on out and enjoy some so cal hospitality.

oh, those talented wagners

we can do lots of things, but lately of note...

we can crawl (much better than this, but not on video)...

we can whistle...

and we can giggle...

happy birthday, ellabug!

can you believe she's FIVE?!?!

it seems only yesterday she was four...

and the day before that, she was three...

and the day before that, she was two...

and the day before that, she was one...

but first, she was born...

thank you Lord, for our little miracle baby!

i never thought i'd say this on a blog, but...

...i'm speechless

les kidlets

you might be bigger than me, eamonn...but i'm way badder...

don't say i didn't warn you!

just messin' with you, man.

good grief

well, it's been a while. where do i begin? do i start with the obvious? i guess so...i mean, where else is there to begin? ok then, john's mom died. looking at those words on the screen in black and white is stranger than i thought it would be. even typing the word "died" is weird. as you prepare to put those four small letters up there you start thinking of all the nicer ways of saying dead...passed on, passed away, passed, and so on and so on... they all seem to imply that i can't take the fact that she's dead- or that i'm somehow deluding myself into thinking that she's something other than dead. but she's not- she's not on vacation, she's not taking a nap, she's not living in another town- she's really gone.

sandra died on march 7th somewhere between two and four a.m. i last saw her at midnight when i tucked her in and kissed her good night. did i know it was the last time i'd see her on this side of heaven? i don't know- if you'd have asked me then i don't know if i'd be this sure, but today i'd say that i did know and that i prayed that it would be. she'd gotten so much more sick in the last 24 hours of her life that i was glad to know that she wouldn't be suffering long. the only part of it that still makes my head spin is how fast it all happened. she died on a friday. wednesday the week prior, john and i attended the funeral of a woman who left behind two sons and a husband. it was especially poignant because of sandra's cancer- but not because we had any inkling of sandra's impending death. we knew her death was out there on the horizon- but we had no thought that it was that close. thursday the week prior, sandra and i were heading to her weekly chemotherapy appointment. she looked yellow- really yellow- which i thought they'd resolve with some medication or another and get her back on track and we'd continue chemo. boy was i mistaken. we waltzed into the office to looks of concern and received not chemo but a directive to take ourselves to the ER. about six hours into the ER visit, a nice-enough doctor walked into the room and very tactfully delivered the news that we ought to be thinking about not treating the cancer anymore. wow- seriously- what a shock that was. and the funny thing was that he said it as though we must have known, but were fighting to keep treating a cancer that was obviously beyond treating. we had no clue. doctor #2 came in the next day, after she'd been admitted, and told us her cancer had annihilated her liver, was getting into her spine and was probably in her spleen and elsewhere and that we should get hospice on board and that she should "get her affairs in order." ok, so at that point we knew she was terminal. that was friday. she spent the weekend at the hospital in relatively good health. she was in good spirits, received her multitude of visitors happily and was able to get all of the things in order that needed to be done...including hospice. at that point, at least to me, hospice seemed like a formality- just getting the ducks in a row so that "when the time came" we'd be ready- we wouldn't be scrambling. she came home on monday night, and tuesday she was up early and spent the day recalling the people and details from old family photos with her cousin connie & family. wednesday she was up early again, sitting in the green chair in the living room reading while i made her breakfast. she went down for a long nap and i left for work. i guess that evening was when it hit me that things were going to happen quickly. john came home to collect some clothes and told me that she'd only gotten up for an hour that night and had gone exhaustedly back to sleep. still though, i thought it would be weeks. thursday morning, i called john (he'd stayed the night with her) and found out that she was still in bed. i collected the kids and we hopped in the car- made a pit stop at wagon wheel for a to-go order of some pancakes for her- and came over. her condition had really declined in the 24 hours that had passed since she was sitting up in the living room, eating eggs and toast and reading the paper with me. hospice came by and evaluated our situation and sandra's condition. while i was walking her out, i asked the "burning question" - how long did they think sandra had? answer: a week. sandra died 12 hours later. she spent that last day with john, mary, the kids and i. john spent the day in the room with her, reading to her and singing hymns to her. pastor ted came by and read to her and prayed with her. evening came, mark & michele and other loved ones came to say goodbye and spend time with us. it was truly a lovely day. i know that must seem strange, but really it was. it was, and is, a privilege to have been a part of this whole process. to watch a person dying who has no fear, who is in fact so excited at her future. to watch her husband and her children cheer her on. not because any of them are nuts- because all of them know with certainty where she's going. it's humbling.

and then, around midnight, i kissed her forehead and gushed for a moment about how much i loved her and how much i missed her and then i prayed that the Lord would take her home that night- peacefully in her sleep. and He did. i know people always say that someone went 'peacefully in their sleep', but she really did. when i saw her the next morning, she was in exactly the same position i'd left her. she had not stirred one bit. she did not struggle, she was not scared and she was not alone. Jesus was with her. He was with her because He, fully man, knows what it means to die and because He, fully God, is the Great Comforter. He walked her every step of the way to Heaven.

i bet you're reading this and thinking one of two things. a) i'm totally morbid or b) i'm totally weird and in total denial.

can i be partially part a of b?

i know i'm not morbid. i don't think i'm in denial (does anyone?), and i guess i am blunt but i think i'm ok. not ok in the sense that i don't miss her ALL the time. she was one of my closest friends, so of course i miss her. she was the person that i spoke with on the phone daily, who i saw almost daily and who was there with me through some pretty hairy times and some really good times. she was such an amazing person, so full of love and delight that it was hard to be near her without feeling more loving and delighted yourself.

she could rattle off the name of any plant (or bird for that matter) from memory; she could explain to you what it meant that someone was your first cousin once removed and not your second cousin; she'd sit there and let me rattle on about some biology thing or another that i'd found interesting; she'd listen to me regale stories of the silly little things in life; she was always up for a sit down at the wagon wheel or a late night white russian over some spider solitaire (or a telenovela...); she took care of me while john was gone and i was sick; she was my constant companion when he was gone too; and she prayed for me and helped me to try to be the wife and mom that i want so much to be- both by her example and with her good and loving advice.

sandra's the first person whose death has immediately effected (?affected? those two always screw me up) my daily life. and not just mine, but the lives of everyone i love. poor little ella has lost so much in losing her gramma so young. those two were like two peas in a pod. and john of course, i can't even fathom what it must mean to lose your mom. if it hurts me this much, i can't even imagine.

the good news is, she's in Heaven. and i don't mean heaven, i mean Heaven. she's there because she put her trust in Jesus and He brought her home. am i mad that God gave sandra cancer, and took her from us at only 65? no, i'm really not, i'm grateful. i'm grateful that He thought enough of me to bring me into her family and into her life. i'm so grateful for the unbelievable mercies that He showed her, throughout her life and while she was dying.

as far as i can tell, the death part of the equation isn't His fault- it's ours. hers and mine and yours. He just condescended to make it right- to take her soul to be with Him in unimaginable glory until He resurrects her in a body free not only of cancer, but of sin and every one of its ravages. thank you, Lord. thank you for all of that, and for giving me absolute faith in its truth.

who on earth could be mad at that?

i do miss her terribly, but i don't want her back. every time i think of her, all the things she must be feeling and experiencing, i'm so happy for her. i wouldn't even think of wishing she were still here among the mud pies. and although i'm sad for me, for john, for ella and josiah, for dan, for mark & mary and for the innumerable people whose lives were touched by her life and saddened by her death, i am comforted- really, really comforted- by the fact that i WILL see her again.

p.s. if you want the link to pics & more of sandra:
http://www.professorcrista.com/mamawagz.htm

my new favorite word...

...is sarchasm. it is defined as the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

apparently the washington post's mensa invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. here's what those geniuses came up with:

1. cashtration (n.): the act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. ignoranus: a person who's both stupid and an a-hole.
3. intaxication: euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. bozone (n.): the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting lucky.
7. giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. hipatitis: terminal coolness.
11. osteopornosis: a degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit.)
12. karmageddon: it's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.
13. decafalon (n.): the grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
14. glibido: all talk and no action.
15. dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. arachnoleptic fit (n.): the frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. beelzebug (n.): satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. caterpallor (n.): the color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

i also like 3, 10, 11, 14 and 18. what's your favorite?

ga-ross

that's right. we're gross. we all got some sort of intestinal parasite (stupid viruses) and are slowly on the mend. we're not sure if ella ever got it, although she has experienced sporadic vomiting. her mother on the other hand- the queen of vomiting- ended up in the ER on IV fluids and some anti-nausea medication. john, with his cast iron stomach, managed to squeak by with only a day of "light" vomiting and little josiah has gotten by without incident...so far. please Lord, let him stay healthy!

it's been a real hoot. i sure do love tossing my cookies.

thankfully, john's mom came down and watched the kids while i entertained myself seeing how much weight i could lose via dehydration. then she sat here until two in the morning with the kids while john and i sat in the ER. poor girl, i hope she doesn't catch it either!

it's funny because everyone that finds out i was sick asks "are you pregnant?"

i'll tell you what a day of raucous vomiting does...makes me soooo glad i got the tubes tied! as i was lying there on the gurney i just kept thinking 'oh please not another pregnancy' and just so you know...i'm not pregnant.

weeeee.....

we made a very exciting discovery the other day while driving past the elementary school where ella will be attending kindergarten...we have a neighborhood park only 0.5 miles from the house.

last weekend (or so) john and i walked the kids down there to play, and josiah rode his first swing. if you listen closely, you can hear him giggle.

the kids also rode a slide, but the video of that isn't as exciting. we did get some cute pictures of that though, darn my kids are good looking!

afterward we walked over to the neighborhood pub and threw back a couple. we let ella entertain herself with the camera- she's getting pretty good at taking photos.

insert title here

john left for six days this morning.

that's a cake walk comparatively so it almost doesn't deserve blogging. but i'm not so much blogging about his being gone, or how lonely i am or busy i am or anything like that. i'm blogging about it because something occurred to me last night when i got home from dropping him at the boat.

when we say goodbye it's like i take a big breath and then hold it as long as i can. when i inevitably exhale, there's a funny, unpleasant smell in the air. pretty soon my brain gets tired of being reminded of this funny, unpleasant smell and it ignores my nose- but the smell is still there. i smell it, ella smells it and i think even josiah smells it a little. when john comes home, no matter how long he's gone, that funny, unpleasant smell disappears and all of a sudden i'm reminded of what clean air smells like.

the sad thing is that what i really need to do is not hold my breath at all- just breath it in and get myself used to the smell so that i can carry on without constantly thinking 'what is that smell?' that way i function quite normally throughout the day and am only reminded when i crawl into bed by myself that something isn't quite right.

how that for a heavy post on a monday morning?

well, i'm off to the gym...maybe i can lose a pound before he gets back!!!