los wagner

hi grandpa!

2010-06-25T21:00:00.001-07:00

it seems that w. dan wagner may be the only person still checking in on our blog- not that i blame anyone else, i haven't updated the blog in about a year.

to be honest, he's only checking it to get to other blogs that i link here.

so, i dedicate this post to grandpa. we love you!

soon, but not soon enough...

2009-05-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

we've been holding our breath around here for the past month or so, waiting to hear when john's "cruise" will end. we heard rumors, which were then considered likely and then were considered 90% accurate, stating that the cruise would be lengthened considerably. by considerably, i mean two and a half months. it seems now that we're looking at the likelihood that john will instead be coming home sooner rather than later.

unfortunately, dear reader, i cannot divulge the actual dates...one does not want to compromise the security of the ship.

i'm delighted to know, though, that my better half will soon be back home to share in the joys of our happy little severely-deflated-in-value condominium.

we've all changed a bit while john's been gone, but of course none of us as much as not-so-little josiah. can you believe that when john left, josiah looked like this:

he hadn't been walking all that long (i know, he's a late bloomer), couldn't say that many words and was more baby than toddler, really.

today, josiah is a TALKER, he runs, jumps (almost), swims (with floaties) and can climb out of his crib. and he's almost two! just look at him:

luckily, we've been able to use Skype a couple of times and john recorded some DVDs last cruise of him reading children's stories, so josiah's been able to "see" his daddy a couple of times. i wonder what he'll think when he figures out that his daddy is an actual person and not just a face on the TV/computer.

however it happens, it will be wonderful to have john home. we can hardly wait.

ringing in the new year

2009-05-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

ok, well, ringing in the second quarter of the new year...or the second half of the second quarter...i'm no good with fractions.

not that it matters. i've been gone so long that you're probably not even reading anymore.

what to tell!?!? john has been deployed for 4 months now, and we have no idea when it will end. at least it feels that way. actually we have two ideas of when it will end, but both are classified and i don't want to be the one to compromise operational security.

ella is nearing the end of her kindergarten year, still loving school and obsessed with playdates. every time i pick her up, she greets me with a nearly frantic request to have a playdate with brice, or a playdate with blaise, or a playdate with nick...notice a pattern?

she would say that her biggest news is her early birthday present:

not that you can really see them in this picture. what you can see, however, is how pleased she is to have them. they being earrings.

my big news is that i got to go to thailand to visit john...yay!

this made me very happy. i miss my man.

josiah is just happy to be alive. he's enjoying running and adding words to his vocabulary...'no thank you' and 'no like it' are two current favs. as is saying 'mama' over and over whilst plugging his nostrils with his fingers. and he likes to tell jokes. his favorite goes like this:

josiah: knock, knock

unsuspecting mark: who's there?

josiah ...joke over.

john is working hard at putting the multimillion dollar naval aviator training to good use.

and acting to increase international goodwill wherever he goes. like, say, hong kong for instance

the best aunt EVER

2009-01-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

a picture might be worth a thousand words, but a drum set for a drum-crazy toddler is priceless...

don't you wish your aunts were as cool as me?

all she wants for christmas...

2008-12-10T14:02:00.003-08:00

...is not her two front teeth, but to lose some teeth.

wish granted...

and thank the Lord for that! mommy was getting tired of answering questions like 'when will i lose my tooth?', 'why did grace lose her teeth and i don't lose my teeth?', and 'gwen lost her tooth, why don't i lose my tooth?'...ad nauseum.

happy christmas!

2008-12-04T19:56:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

welcome to the world!

2008-11-29T08:57:00.000-08:00

there's a new DiBernardo in town.

weighing in at 6 pounds, 14 ounces and an un-DiBernardo lengthiness of 21 inches, i'm pleased to announce the birth of my new niece,
Sophia Marie DiBernardo.

born on november 26 to my little brother mario & his wife adrianne.

baby, mommy and daddy are all doing fine.

don't you just love that little bow in her hair!

you say it doesn't taste like lime, eh?

2008-11-26T11:00:00.001-08:00

"I'm ready for school, Mom!"

2008-11-26T10:57:00.000-08:00

so, you like dressing your kids up all cute and stuff...just wait, your time is coming. eventually they'll wanna dress themselves.

huh...glasses really do make you look smarter

2008-11-26T10:50:00.001-08:00

and really good looking!

give thanks

2008-11-25T11:06:00.000-08:00

i recently read somewhere that it doesn't make sense to just give thanks to no one. that without a recipient for your thanks, you can't really be thankful.

thankfulness requires two things: the one who gives thanks and the one who receives them.

it's nice to know that no matter what's happening in our world today, we can rejoice that our own Thanksgiving holiday, conceived on November 1, 1782, reflects that Truth as evidenced in the Congressional Proclamation establishing said holiday.

"IT being the indispensable duty of all Nations, not only to offer up their supplications to ALMIGHTY GOD, the giver of all good, for his gracious assistance in a time of distress, but also in a solemn and public manner to give him praise for his goodness in general, and especially for great and signal interpositions of his providence in their behalf: Therefore the United States in Congress assembled, taking into their consideration the many instances of divine goodness to these States, in the course of the important conflict in which they have been so long engaged; the present happy and promising state of public affairs; and the events of the war, in the course of the year now drawing to a close; particularly the harmony of the public Councils, which is so necessary to the success of the public cause; the perfect union and good understanding which has hitherto subsisted between them and their Allies, notwithstanding the artful and unwearied attempts of the common enemy to divide them; the success of the arms of the United States, and those of their Allies, and the acknowledgment of their independence by another European power, whose friendship and commerce must be of great and lasting advantage to these States:...Do hereby recommend to the inhabitants of these States in general, to observe, and request the several States to interpose their authority in appointing and commanding the observation of THURSDAY the twenty-eight day of NOVEMBER next, as a day of solemn THANKSGIVING to GOD for all his mercies: and they do further recommend to all ranks, to testify to their gratitude to GOD for his goodness, by a cheerful obedience of his laws, and by promoting, each in his station, and by his influence, the practice of true and undefiled religion, which is the great foundation of public prosperity and national happiness."
http://www.history.com/minisite.do?content_type=Minisite_Generic&content_type_id=875&display_order=8&mini_id=1083

happy thanksgiving, dear reader & friend.

you can pick your friends, and you can pick your pumpkins...

2008-11-12T22:54:00.000-08:00

...but you can't pick your friends' pumpkins.

OK, maybe you can.

here at the U-pick pumpkin patch though, it's every grammy, mommy and cousin for himself.

ella, caleb & gracie off to find the perfect pumpkins

perfect pumpkin number 1

perfect pumpkin number 2

perfect pumpkins numbers 3-5...someone's getting a little greedy

oh, wait...perfect pumpkin number 4 is for josiah. nevermind then.
and i just love this one. the girls off doing girl stuff
and faithful caleb hanging around with his grammy.

superella and her trusty sidekick dragonboy

2008-11-12T22:50:00.000-08:00

every superhero needs a super sidekick. superella is no exception.

oh, and they also need a super pose. that is perhaps more important than the super sidekick.

Veteran's Day

2008-11-11T20:06:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge today's holiday and say that I am truly thankful for all of the people who choose to serve in our country's military. I know, not only from my own experience, that it's a great sacrifice to serve. You miss important days and an incalculable number of everyday moments because you feel committed to freedom and called to protect the rest of us.

So, thank you. And God bless you.

just look at those cute Veterans!
John, US Navy; Dad, US Army; Mario, US Army; Mario, USMC
baby caleb, ???

food for thought...

2008-11-06T12:23:00.001-08:00

sorry dear reader...nothing to entertain today. just some food for thought:

"The church is safe from vicious persecution at the hands of the secularist, as educated people finished with stake burning circuses and torture racks. No martyr’s blood is shed in the secular west. So long as the church knows her place and remains quietly at peace on her modern reservation, let the babes pray and sing and read their Bibles, continuing steadfastly in their intellectual retardation: the church’s extinction will not come by sword or pillory, but by the quiet death of irrelevance [emphasis mine]. But let the church step off the reservation, let her penetrate once more the culture of the day and the face of secularism will change from a benign smile to a savage snarl."

-R.C. Sproul, John Gerstner, and Arthur Lindsley

stay tuned, i've got wagner family pics & info to share!

riding in daddy's truck

2008-10-22T15:04:00.000-07:00

when mommy and ella were at the star trek exhibition with grammy (see post http://thissurereallife.blogspot.com/2008/10/split-infinitive.html below), daddy and josiah had a "men's day" of beer brewing and getting dirty.

the day began with a ride in daddy's chevy. i couldn't believe how tickled he was just to be sitting in the seat. it was pretty cute.

crazy baby

2008-10-22T15:01:00.000-07:00

someone didn't get a very good nap because grammy is SO exciting to spend time with. that same someone pretty much lost it at chili's...although it might have had something to do with the molten lava cake we fed him.

p.s. he pulled his shirt over his head like that all by himself...

the split infinitive

2008-10-22T14:49:00.001-07:00

to boldly go where no man has gone before. well, not necessarily boldly and not necessarily where no man has gone before. ella, grammy and i went to the san diego air & space museum for the star trek exhibition.

yes, friends, we are trekkies. ok, ella and i are just novice trekkies...but grammy?!? grammy is like the prime minister of trekistan. seriously. she LOVES star trek.

so, we ventured out to balboa park to see what star trek had to offer. it was impressive, even for someone who knows little about star trek. i don't really know which was more fun, seeing all the cool costumes; sitting on the bridge of the o.g. uss enterprise; getting beamed up, scottie; or listening to my mom rattle off more details than the museum itself.

it was awesome.

the awesome-ness also included glimpses of the teenager my daughter will become in a few years. she totally thought her mom and grammy were RIDICULOUS. and i realized that i won't always care if my daughter thinks i'm the "coolest" person in the world...as long as she's willing to be a geek with me when i ask her to. note the look on the five year old's face as grammy and mommy feign fright at the thought of de-molecularizing in the transporter.

a little off the top

2008-09-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

that's right faithful reader, josiah got his golden locks chopped. much to my surprise he actually enjoyed the clippers- they must have tickled.

it's unclear to me though who the real star of the show is?!?...

i miss the way his hair combed over into that "little boy haircut."

he does, however, look completely awesome with a buzz- even with a face full of pesto!

well done, daddy...

rad, period.

2008-09-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

this comes your way via john, who saw something on our friend jonathan pope's website, which led him to click something which brought up a page that had a picture on it, which he clicked and led him here.

so, without any further ado

one completely satisfied viewer, eviltella, had this to say about the guitarist Jim Durham:
"Filmed a short while after his conversion you can still see the Irish Punk attitude that first endeared him to Elvis Costello. Jim had captured the imagination of a group of parishioners, who frankly wouldn't have known "cool" if it had descended from Heaven on a golden calf, and organized their Thursday night choir practice into this gem of early eighties new wave...."

I guess that about sums it up.

the newest wildcat

2008-09-03T12:41:00.000-07:00

well, folks we've reached yet another milestone.

ella is now an official kindergartner. as of tuesday, august 19th, ella is a sundance elementary school wildcat. her teacher is a very sweet lady named ms. scattareggia- ms. scatt for short.

incidentally, ella is attending the same elementary school that aunt michele did...many, many, many years ago :-).

ella's enjoying school, i think mostly because she gets to carry her very own hello kitty lunch box (complete with hello kitty thermos and hello kitty insulated food container). if only i could get her to eat all of the food i pack into the hello kitty goods...

did you know they make you buy those separately now?!?! what a crock.

now a week into kindergarten, ella is a seasoned veteran. it's so fun to see her socialize and be her very own person.

well, that is until i realize that my little teeny girl is growing up. then mommy puts on her sunglasses and sheds a few silent tears of joy with just a pinch of sadness.

without further ado, here's our girl. so precious. i just love her.

little brother seems to enjoy the idea of kindergarten too. although, he does bellow "ella" throughout the day, so maybe he's not quite caught on yet...

waiting in line to go to class after the morning bell.

ella's new favorite "photo" face. it's been a real fun development.

japanese invasion

2008-08-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

is that too un-p.c. a title?!?!

lucky for us, the navy decided that the USS kitty hawk needed to retire and at the same time japan decided that it would be OK to have a nuclear (not nu-cu-lar) aircraft carrier stationed in atsugi, japan. so, the kitty hawk got traded in on a new model- the USS george washington.

why are we lucky, you ask? well, because the navy decided that the change over would happen in san diego.

our three good friends- josh thompson, logan ridley and caleb mcdow, who were stationed on the kitty hawk, got to come to SD for a while. so, we didn't have literal japanese visitors, but we did have three japanese residents come to visit.

it was great. these three guys and their wives (minus logan who remains single, girls ;-)) were great friends of ours in pensacola. logan went through OCS with john, we met caleb and his wife our very first sunday at covenant OPC church, and we met josh & sabine soon after moving to p'cola through another good friend matt (now of matt & alayna).

one thing that i loved about p'cola (among many, many things) was the AMAZING friends we made. have you ever had a time in your life where you just felt so good and so blessed to meet and spend time with an amazing group of people? well, for us pensacola was like that. maybe it's the fact that we were all away from home and were all new to the navy thing but it was so wonderful. and though in some cases we only got to spend less than a year with these friends- they are so special. i couldn't gush enough about how much all of them meant to us.

not that i don't like you, dear reader, if you are not one of the p'cola buddies. but you know i love you, because i've known you for so looong.

anyway, we only got to see josh for an evening- when he graciously agreed to attend a squadron function with us. unfortunately we don't have any pictures of us together, because we both forgot our cameras. i know that is probably killing sabine as much as not getting to be there for the mini reunion.

logan and caleb spent the weekend with us (josh got to go and see his sister- who of course outranks friends).

since we're homeless (to be discussed in a future post), the guys stayed with us at john's dad's house. it was so much fun.

we really love these guys.

one small complaint. we never get to see their wives!!!

apparently, this is MUCH more comfortable than a "rack."

and this is much more comfortable than a bed.

and caleb is way more fun than mommy.

and a 5 year old and a naval aviator may be an even match at checkers
(at least at this point in the game).

and sitting between logan and caleb is dreamy when you're five.

not a big shocker, but john's son enjoys beer.

and the claim jumper remains a fun place to bring visitors.

it's fun being one!

2008-08-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

as you may have noticed- unless i'm writing this blog and no one is reading it- i haven't managed any posts in a while.

yeah, it's been a bit busy.

i won't go into any of the details of all of that...i've got to leave something for future posts.

this morning, i'd like to talk about our youngest- who is getting older every day and has hit a landmark.

josiah is one.

it seems such a short time ago that i heard his first pitious little cry from the delivery room and this bundle of mucky baby was brought over for my inspection and instant overwhelming love.

i guess it's only fair to include a shot of daddy's first meeting, 6 weeks later.

and of course, big sister's too. well, not their first meeting, but one with fewer tubes and things so she could actually get to see a bit of him.
actually, josiah turned one on july 16th. mommy isn't very on top of things, so josiah's birthday party wasn't until august 21st. i don't even know if you'd call it a "party," it was really just an opportunity to get his picture taken with a face full of cake.

note the speculative sideways glance that says, 'oh, hmmm, what is this?!?!'

followed by a tentative examination

a careful tasting, 'ah...i taste a hint of something sweet. yes, yes, there's also a good deal of fat in there. hmm, interesting i think i like this.'

'oh, by jove, yes. i do like this. quite a lot actually.'

'delicious, mother, really. you've really outdone yourself with the box cupcake recipe.'

'if...i...could...just...reach...that...crumb...there...ah, yes there it is.'

'i LOVE you mommy (not quite as much as i love cake, but you don't need to know that), thank you!'

and, it's bath time.

well, happy birthday little boy. we sure do love this guy, and man is he good looking (got a lot of DiBernardo in that boy!)

fun with grandpa

2008-07-13T22:38:00.000-07:00

remember that heat wave we had a couple of weeks ago? you know the one that came on suddenly and reminded us all why we really don't want summer to arrive, even though we've been complaining about how "cold" it is in san diego in the winter? the one that came before the "summer heat" actually arrived? the one where the week before, the average temperatures were in the mid 60s and then one day it was 95 and then the next day it was 65 again?!?

you know what i'm talking about, right?

well, at that same time, i decided to turn on the a/c so josiah could take his nap in relative comfort and discovered that our a/c is broken.

we decided that a much better way to beat the heat would be to travel to "grampa" wagner's house and hang out under the lovely trees in the backyard and sit in the kiddy pool. so, that's exactly what we did.

it was a lovely day, as it always is when we get to spend the day with grampa. he always has interesting stories to tell and will condescend to sit and lounge with us and let kids squeal and splash him.

grampa is fun.

we love grampa.

can't you tell?

i couldn't resist

2008-06-12T10:46:00.001-07:00

i just love the way he can crack himself up- and his giggle is contagious!

home improvement project 1B

2008-06-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

after walking up to my front door for a total of 790 days (give or take), it finally got to me. it being the planters and general "look" of my walkway. there isn't much to the entrance to our humble abode- but that doesn't mean it has to look so bad.
when we moved in, someone had been using the dirt area under the stairs as a trash dump and had let a spider plant loose in the planter. said spider plant had taken over an area 6 or 7 square feet and had managed to kill a bougainvillea and three jasmine plants. the spider plant had become so invasive that i didn't even know the jasmine existed until i'd cleared 1/2 of it away.
so, a couple of weeks ago, ella and i got our head scarves out, donned our "work clothes" and started tearing away at the spider plant. after 3 or 4 hours of manual labor, we'd managed to clear all of this (please note ella's gardening clogs):

out of this area:

and now it looks like this:

and this:

and the area under the stairs that looked like this:

now looks like this:

although i'm thinking of adding a few finishing touches, home improvement project 1B is now as they say "close enough for government work."
it's made me a much happier person...we'll see what john thinks when he gets home and sees what i've spent money on...

oh, and in case you're wondering- home improvement project 1A was laying a rug in the front room...hey you gotta start somewhere?!? it looks awesome.

what a crock!

2008-06-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

i am so excited that it's nearly embarrassing. i've been looking, literally, for years to find the perfect butter crock. it all started in 2004 in pensacola...my friend katie has an enormously talented sister who makes amazing pottery (her grandpa makes amazing wood items too and she grew up on a cattle ranch in idaho- what a life!).

anyway, katie's sister made her a butter crock. for those of you who don't know- a butter crock (according to wikipedia- my students' favorite reference source) is a "...19th century French-designed pottery crock [that] holds the butter packed in its lid (where it is held by surface tension), and water is added to the base. The water creates an airtight seal that keeps oxygen away from the butter so that refrigeration is not needed, and the butter can be used in its soft form."

it's awesome. it alleviates that "goldilocks" dilemma where butter from the fridge is too hard- and destroys the very piece of toast it's supposed to moisten and butter on the counter is too soft- causing you to use at least a half a stick of butter for each piece of toast.

and my butter crock looks cool. which, obviously, is the most important thing. yes, it was $20. was it worth it? you be the judge.

finally!

2008-06-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

i've been trying to find a bath faucet cover that will work in our bathroom. this has been problematic because in our bathtub, in order to turn on the shower, you have to pull up on a little plunger at the front of the faucet. this design means that we can't use the typical faucet cover- unless john & i want to relegate ourselves to a life of bathing.

somehow, the thought of "cleaning" myself by floating around in water that contains all of the dead skin and filth that has liberated itself from my body is a little yucky.

enter the boon faucet cover, yay!

it includes two ridiculous "selling points." one, you can add bubble bath to it and the kids can dispense it at their leisure; two, the water pours out in a "gentle waterfall." well, thank the Lord for that- josiah was nearly knocked over last week.

cherry pickin'

2008-06-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

while visiting my parents in littlerock (that's one word, small r, within-the-borders-of-california littlerock) we decided to go cherry picking.

first of all, wow. i've never seen cherries on the "vine" as it were. even so, i wasn't expecting this:

pretty, right?

and this ladies and gentlemen is $18.50 worth of U-pick cherries. can anyone say rip-off?

i scream, you scream

2008-06-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

...josiah screams for ice cream.

not that he's picky (at all)- that kid will eat nearly anything. in fact, the only thing i've tried that he doesn't like is green beans. i know, ridiculous, right? he'll eat broccoli ground up in plain yogurt like it's going out of style; he'll gobble up spinach and he's got quite a taste for chicken paprikosh (well, i can't fault him there). but green beans, heck no! well, heck no unless you mix a little formula into them- then it's all good.

but i digress...

at first, he's tentative. he thinks to himself, well...grammy's eating it. i always want everything that someone else is eating, so i guess i'll give it a go...

in the words of my daddy "sweet holy goodness", this stuff is AMAZING, gimme more...now!

and we all shine on...

2008-06-11T10:48:00.001-07:00

ella has sustained her first "major injury" since her broken arm. she has this not-so-stable chair that i'm forever warning her to sit still in. two nights ago she wiggled herself right out of it and smack dab into a toy that was lying on the living room floor next to it...with her face.

the end result was this:like the arm, this eye has me living in a perpetual state of panic that someone is going to call and report me for child abuse.

the wild, wild west

2008-05-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

back in november, ella asked her grammy if she could take her to camp snoopy for her birthday. grammy, of course, said yes. grammy also thought it would be fun to take ALL the grandkids to camp snoopy...she's a very brave grammy.

so, on may 9, the kids and i ventured up to beautiful, scenic buena park and met grammy, grandpa, aunt jenni, uncle mario, gracie, caleb and joshua at the knott's berry farm entrance.

we had lots of fun...

first we rode the stage coach

then we bought light up visors

i'm not sure whether these were more fun for the kids or the adults...

then we rode some rides

then we made sand animalish-thingeemabobbers

all-in-all, the babies weren't impressed

but it sure wore uncle mario out!

finally, we were ready to go home. but not before we memorialized our trip with a pit stop at the old west tin-type photography studio.

thanks, grammy & grandpa for a GREAT day!

yay!

2008-05-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

ella's been bugging me for WEEKS to look through her "panda crafts"- all of the things that she made during her 2006-07 preschool year. i've been putting it off because...well...just imagining adding to the chaos around this place is exhausting.

but, finally, a couple of days ago we went through the folder.

not that i didn't enjoy looking over all of ella's handiwork, but i have to admit that the highlight was finding this:

you see, i've found that the number of photos that include sandra & me is woefully small. so, i was terribly excited to find this one- which i think is a nice shot of the both of us. as long as you can overlook the fact that i'm a bit chubby looking. in my defense, i was 8 months pregnant.

anyway, i just wanted to share it- it was a fun day and i'm so thankful to have a reminder of it.

ahhh, sweet relief

2008-05-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

put a fork in me, i am DONE!

and when i say done, i mean done...with this semester's microbiology class. i gave the last exam this evening and finished inputting my grades just a moment ago. they managed to close the class with an 81% average.

maybe i'm too easy on them. boy, i bet they'd love to hear that.

at any rate, i'm done.

at least, that is, until june 17th when the summer semester starts. now THAT will be fun. four days a week, 4.5 hours a day, for eight weeks. mmm hmmm, they're going to love it.

i actually prefer the summer session.

as a student, i'm sure it sucks. but for the professor who's already taught the class it is, as they say, pan comida. and i get paid twice as much because the class is twice as often. and i get evenings off.

until next fall, when i start teaching the monday/wednesday night section.

hmmp.

well, for now i'm stoked.

and john will be home tomorrow for a day and a half, so that should be nice...if by "should" i mean "definitely" and by "nice" i mean "rockin."

even though none of my students even know this blog exists, i just want to give them a little shout out. they did a really good job and i'm proud of them. it's a tough class- and i'm not only saying that because i'm so smart.

well, happy summer everyone!

p.s. local ladies...i'll be planning a "girls' night" here at casa de wagner in the next couple of weeks. since john will be gone, i'll be needing some one to talk to who is older than 5. and y'all fit the bill. so, stay tuned for details. and those of you out-of-towners who might be reading this, you're invited too- come on out and enjoy some so cal hospitality.

oh, those talented wagners

2008-05-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

we can do lots of things, but lately of note...

we can crawl (much better than this, but not on video)...

we can whistle...

and we can giggle...

happy birthday, ellabug!

2008-05-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

can you believe she's FIVE?!?!

it seems only yesterday she was four...

and the day before that, she was three...

and the day before that, she was two...

and the day before that, she was one...

but first, she was born...

thank you Lord, for our little miracle baby!

i never thought i'd say this on a blog, but...

2008-04-28T23:37:00.000-07:00

...i'm speechless

les kidlets

2008-04-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

you might be bigger than me, eamonn...but i'm way badder...

don't say i didn't warn you!

just messin' with you, man.

good grief

2008-04-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

well, it's been a while. where do i begin? do i start with the obvious? i guess so...i mean, where else is there to begin? ok then, john's mom died. looking at those words on the screen in black and white is stranger than i thought it would be. even typing the word "died" is weird. as you prepare to put those four small letters up there you start thinking of all the nicer ways of saying dead...passed on, passed away, passed, and so on and so on... they all seem to imply that i can't take the fact that she's dead- or that i'm somehow deluding myself into thinking that she's something other than dead. but she's not- she's not on vacation, she's not taking a nap, she's not living in another town- she's really gone.

sandra died on march 7th somewhere between two and four a.m. i last saw her at midnight when i tucked her in and kissed her good night. did i know it was the last time i'd see her on this side of heaven? i don't know- if you'd have asked me then i don't know if i'd be this sure, but today i'd say that i did know and that i prayed that it would be. she'd gotten so much more sick in the last 24 hours of her life that i was glad to know that she wouldn't be suffering long. the only part of it that still makes my head spin is how fast it all happened. she died on a friday. wednesday the week prior, john and i attended the funeral of a woman who left behind two sons and a husband. it was especially poignant because of sandra's cancer- but not because we had any inkling of sandra's impending death. we knew her death was out there on the horizon- but we had no thought that it was that close. thursday the week prior, sandra and i were heading to her weekly chemotherapy appointment. she looked yellow- really yellow- which i thought they'd resolve with some medication or another and get her back on track and we'd continue chemo. boy was i mistaken. we waltzed into the office to looks of concern and received not chemo but a directive to take ourselves to the ER. about six hours into the ER visit, a nice-enough doctor walked into the room and very tactfully delivered the news that we ought to be thinking about not treating the cancer anymore. wow- seriously- what a shock that was. and the funny thing was that he said it as though we must have known, but were fighting to keep treating a cancer that was obviously beyond treating. we had no clue. doctor #2 came in the next day, after she'd been admitted, and told us her cancer had annihilated her liver, was getting into her spine and was probably in her spleen and elsewhere and that we should get hospice on board and that she should "get her affairs in order." ok, so at that point we knew she was terminal. that was friday. she spent the weekend at the hospital in relatively good health. she was in good spirits, received her multitude of visitors happily and was able to get all of the things in order that needed to be done...including hospice. at that point, at least to me, hospice seemed like a formality- just getting the ducks in a row so that "when the time came" we'd be ready- we wouldn't be scrambling. she came home on monday night, and tuesday she was up early and spent the day recalling the people and details from old family photos with her cousin connie & family. wednesday she was up early again, sitting in the green chair in the living room reading while i made her breakfast. she went down for a long nap and i left for work. i guess that evening was when it hit me that things were going to happen quickly. john came home to collect some clothes and told me that she'd only gotten up for an hour that night and had gone exhaustedly back to sleep. still though, i thought it would be weeks. thursday morning, i called john (he'd stayed the night with her) and found out that she was still in bed. i collected the kids and we hopped in the car- made a pit stop at wagon wheel for a to-go order of some pancakes for her- and came over. her condition had really declined in the 24 hours that had passed since she was sitting up in the living room, eating eggs and toast and reading the paper with me. hospice came by and evaluated our situation and sandra's condition. while i was walking her out, i asked the "burning question" - how long did they think sandra had? answer: a week. sandra died 12 hours later. she spent that last day with john, mary, the kids and i. john spent the day in the room with her, reading to her and singing hymns to her. pastor ted came by and read to her and prayed with her. evening came, mark & michele and other loved ones came to say goodbye and spend time with us. it was truly a lovely day. i know that must seem strange, but really it was. it was, and is, a privilege to have been a part of this whole process. to watch a person dying who has no fear, who is in fact so excited at her future. to watch her husband and her children cheer her on. not because any of them are nuts- because all of them know with certainty where she's going. it's humbling.

and then, around midnight, i kissed her forehead and gushed for a moment about how much i loved her and how much i missed her and then i prayed that the Lord would take her home that night- peacefully in her sleep. and He did. i know people always say that someone went 'peacefully in their sleep', but she really did. when i saw her the next morning, she was in exactly the same position i'd left her. she had not stirred one bit. she did not struggle, she was not scared and she was not alone. Jesus was with her. He was with her because He, fully man, knows what it means to die and because He, fully God, is the Great Comforter. He walked her every step of the way to Heaven.

i bet you're reading this and thinking one of two things. a) i'm totally morbid or b) i'm totally weird and in total denial.

can i be partially part a of b?

i know i'm not morbid. i don't think i'm in denial (does anyone?), and i guess i am blunt but i think i'm ok. not ok in the sense that i don't miss her ALL the time. she was one of my closest friends, so of course i miss her. she was the person that i spoke with on the phone daily, who i saw almost daily and who was there with me through some pretty hairy times and some really good times. she was such an amazing person, so full of love and delight that it was hard to be near her without feeling more loving and delighted yourself.

she could rattle off the name of any plant (or bird for that matter) from memory; she could explain to you what it meant that someone was your first cousin once removed and not your second cousin; she'd sit there and let me rattle on about some biology thing or another that i'd found interesting; she'd listen to me regale stories of the silly little things in life; she was always up for a sit down at the wagon wheel or a late night white russian over some spider solitaire (or a telenovela...); she took care of me while john was gone and i was sick; she was my constant companion when he was gone too; and she prayed for me and helped me to try to be the wife and mom that i want so much to be- both by her example and with her good and loving advice.

sandra's the first person whose death has immediately effected (?affected? those two always screw me up) my daily life. and not just mine, but the lives of everyone i love. poor little ella has lost so much in losing her gramma so young. those two were like two peas in a pod. and john of course, i can't even fathom what it must mean to lose your mom. if it hurts me this much, i can't even imagine.

the good news is, she's in Heaven. and i don't mean heaven, i mean Heaven. she's there because she put her trust in Jesus and He brought her home. am i mad that God gave sandra cancer, and took her from us at only 65? no, i'm really not, i'm grateful. i'm grateful that He thought enough of me to bring me into her family and into her life. i'm so grateful for the unbelievable mercies that He showed her, throughout her life and while she was dying.

as far as i can tell, the death part of the equation isn't His fault- it's ours. hers and mine and yours. He just condescended to make it right- to take her soul to be with Him in unimaginable glory until He resurrects her in a body free not only of cancer, but of sin and every one of its ravages. thank you, Lord. thank you for all of that, and for giving me absolute faith in its truth.

who on earth could be mad at that?

i do miss her terribly, but i don't want her back. every time i think of her, all the things she must be feeling and experiencing, i'm so happy for her. i wouldn't even think of wishing she were still here among the mud pies. and although i'm sad for me, for john, for ella and josiah, for dan, for mark & mary and for the innumerable people whose lives were touched by her life and saddened by her death, i am comforted- really, really comforted- by the fact that i WILL see her again.

p.s. if you want the link to pics & more of sandra:
http://www.professorcrista.com/mamawagz.htm

my new favorite word...

2008-02-12T07:54:00.001-08:00

...is sarchasm. it is defined as the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

apparently the washington post's mensa invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. here's what those geniuses came up with:

cashtration (n.): the act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
ignoranus: a person who's both stupid and an a-hole.
intaxication: euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.
bozone (n.): the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting lucky.
giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
hipatitis: terminal coolness.
osteopornosis: a degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit.)
karmageddon: it's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.
decafalon (n.): the grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
glibido: all talk and no action.
dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
arachnoleptic fit (n.): the frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
beelzebug (n.): satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
caterpallor (n.): the color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

i also like 3, 10, 11, 14 and 18. what's your favorite?

ga-ross

2008-02-05T19:34:00.000-08:00

that's right. we're gross. we all got some sort of intestinal parasite (stupid viruses) and are slowly on the mend. we're not sure if ella ever got it, although she has experienced sporadic vomiting. her mother on the other hand- the queen of vomiting- ended up in the ER on IV fluids and some anti-nausea medication. john, with his cast iron stomach, managed to squeak by with only a day of "light" vomiting and little josiah has gotten by without incident...so far. please Lord, let him stay healthy!

it's been a real hoot. i sure do love tossing my cookies.

thankfully, john's mom came down and watched the kids while i entertained myself seeing how much weight i could lose via dehydration. then she sat here until two in the morning with the kids while john and i sat in the ER. poor girl, i hope she doesn't catch it either!

it's funny because everyone that finds out i was sick asks "are you pregnant?"

i'll tell you what a day of raucous vomiting does...makes me soooo glad i got the tubes tied! as i was lying there on the gurney i just kept thinking 'oh please not another pregnancy' and just so you know...i'm not pregnant.

weeeee.....

2008-01-31T21:51:00.000-08:00

we made a very exciting discovery the other day while driving past the elementary school where ella will be attending kindergarten...we have a neighborhood park only 0.5 miles from the house.

last weekend (or so) john and i walked the kids down there to play, and josiah rode his first swing. if you listen closely, you can hear him giggle.

the kids also rode a slide, but the video of that isn't as exciting. we did get some cute pictures of that though, darn my kids are good looking!

afterward we walked over to the neighborhood pub and threw back a couple. we let ella entertain herself with the camera- she's getting pretty good at taking photos.

insert title here

2008-01-28T08:26:00.000-08:00

john left for six days this morning.

that's a cake walk comparatively so it almost doesn't deserve blogging. but i'm not so much blogging about his being gone, or how lonely i am or busy i am or anything like that. i'm blogging about it because something occurred to me last night when i got home from dropping him at the boat.

when we say goodbye it's like i take a big breath and then hold it as long as i can. when i inevitably exhale, there's a funny, unpleasant smell in the air. pretty soon my brain gets tired of being reminded of this funny, unpleasant smell and it ignores my nose- but the smell is still there. i smell it, ella smells it and i think even josiah smells it a little. when john comes home, no matter how long he's gone, that funny, unpleasant smell disappears and all of a sudden i'm reminded of what clean air smells like.

the sad thing is that what i really need to do is not hold my breath at all- just breath it in and get myself used to the smell so that i can carry on without constantly thinking 'what is that smell?' that way i function quite normally throughout the day and am only reminded when i crawl into bed by myself that something isn't quite right.

how that for a heavy post on a monday morning?

well, i'm off to the gym...maybe i can lose a pound before he gets back!!!

it's beginning to look a lot (less) like christmas

2008-01-25T12:50:00.000-08:00

well, the holidays have come and gone. i know this because i finally took down my christmas tree and various ornamentations and packed up the cd's full of christmas music. i always hate looking at our home after the decorations are gone and the music's stopped- it seems so boring, cold and lonely without all those festive holiday reminders.

we had a great christmas at The Castle this year with all sorts of DiBernardo relations decending upon the little town of Temecula. uncle louie even dressed up like santa claus. we've been trying to explain to ella, gently, that there is no such thing as santa claus. this is harder than you'd think, because every time she sees someone dressed as santa she tells me that he IS real and that she just saw him. so, i thought it was going to set us back that not only did she SEE santa, but he brought her presents and she got to sit on his lap. well, ella's a pretty savvy girl because when she told me that she'd seen santa she said, 'and isn't that funny, because it was really just my uncle louie dressed up. he's so cute." so, i guess she's getting it. and she's right, her uncle louie is cute!

the holidays were so much fun.

even more fun is the fact that we aren't preparing to say goodbye to john for eight months like we did last year, and we'll do a year from now. and i'm not hooked up to an IV right now because pregnancy gives me "hyperemesis gravidarum" a.k.a. puking so much you can't stay hydrated or nourished. ah, the good old days.

2007 was a good year- we have a new little man in our house who has completed our family (yes, that's right...mommy got her tubes tied). 2007 was also a tough year- yucky pregnancy, john missing 8 months of it and all sorts of other things. it's promising to know that all of these things are sanctifying us and not just a random series of unfortunate events. if that were the case, i wouldn't be able to stand it.

in 2008 i would like to figure out a way to get a play station and DDR (that's dance dance revolution for you non-DDR nerds). i'd also like to figure out a way of balancing husband, kids, work, bible study and working out.

any suggestions?

springfield, here i come

2008-01-07T11:10:00.000-08:00

so cool. i was wandering around "the web" this morning and i found a website that allows you to "simpsonize" yourself.

and if i do say so myself, i make a great simpson character.

his biggest fan

2007-12-20T11:36:00.001-08:00

awww...

isn't He wonderful!

2007-12-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

ella took part in the koala class Christmas Production yesterday. really, i shouldn't have used capital letters, because it was a very low-key little number done during chapel time. it was cute though- with mrs. dutton narrating and the kids in their turn replying to her narrative 'isn't He wonderful!'
ella was a shepard, which she wasn't particularly thrilled about initially. she had been out sick for the week prior and all the "good" parts (read: mary) were taken.
when we showed up, the kids were getting into their costumes, so i stuck around to take a couple of shots. seen here is our shepard, surrounded by her two beaus- adam p. (shepard number two) and marcus (king number one). notice possible beau number three looking over her shoulder. and have you ever seen a cuter, more feminine shepard???

once the kids were dressed, josiah and i headed over to the sanctuary to wait for the grand entrance. he entertained himself by...what else...sucking on his fingers.

and...action.

and of course, cast & crew at curtain call...

say cheese

2007-12-19T17:02:00.000-08:00

josiah's first photo shoot. he's totally cute and i could hardly pick these two from among all the beautiful head shots...

behind the scenes...

2007-12-17T10:10:00.001-08:00

a slideshow, for your viewing enjoyment, of me taking a picture of the kids...

and after all that, we didn't even have a picture worth looking at.

make-up is for girls

2007-12-17T09:38:00.001-08:00

ella has recently started taking a real interest in make-up and all things girlie. to any of you out there that know me, this is probably mind-bottling (a la will ferrell)- i can count on one hand the number of times i've actually applied a face full of make-up.

not that i think i'm above it, i'm just not good at it.

but i digress...

ella found this lovely shade in my make-up bucket- it hails from a jackie kennedy costume i wore in the mid 90's. apparently lipstick has the half life of a twinkie, because when she applied it to my lips it was just as velvety smooth as i remembered. she also recently found the slightly more obnoxious shade that i wore to the white trash party and applied it before church. nice.

lipstick seems to be a recurrent theme in our mother-daughter relationship. the fault is mostly mine. i started it all off at her last birthday party when i inadvertently purchased disney princess lip gloss-locket party favors, only to discover that the lip gloss was really the shade of psychedelic purple kool-aid- a color it maintains on the skin. i bet all the moms can't wait for ella's next party so that they can wrestle more whorish party favors out of their sobbing daughter's hands post-party.

ah, motherhood.

p.s. i am not that tan- i think it's the fact that the lipstick has sucked all of the light out from around my lips like a black hole...

man, i look good in a hat.

2007-12-12T10:45:00.001-08:00

this is the adorable outfit from aunt marianne & uncle mark. we love it.

sling-o-rama

2007-12-12T10:42:00.000-08:00

this post is intended solely to make all you mamas that aren't near me wish that you were.

come to san diego...the weather is lovely.

a more "worldly" post

2007-12-11T09:29:00.001-08:00

john and i went to his squadron christmas party on thursday. it was held at the marriott in mission valley.

riddle me this...why do there even exist establishments that serve alcohol without coca cola products? you might be wondering why i care...could i possibly prefer the taste of coke to pepsi so much that it really matters. well, the answer is no- not normally.

however, when i'm going to mix alcohol (read: jack daniels) and a "cola" together i do NOT want that cola to be pepsi.

have you ever heard anyone order a jack & pepsi? or a rum & pepsi? or a jim beam & pepsi??? i'm sure that the answer to all of these questions is a resounding NO. why, because it's gross...nay unnatural, to order something like that. people the world over agree that coke (and perhaps, just maybe diet coke) is the superior mixer. there isn't even any room for discussion. the mere thought of the taste of a jack & pepsi (and yes, i've had it) makes my lips pucker and initiates the gag reflex.

and how did we happen upon this horrible truth? my sweet, sweet husband ordered me a "jack & coke" from the bartender and, horror of horrors, watched him start to pour PEPSI into the glass on top of the jack. thankfully i wasn't there, or i probably would have let out a blood-curdling shriek. john, very calmly, asked whether the man was indeed using pepsi though he'd asked specifically for coke. the man affirmed. john, thoughtfully, changed my order to a cranberry juice & vodka. funny...he didn't try to sub apple juice?!?

and oh yeah...it was fun.

nuf said

2007-12-06T13:33:00.000-08:00

if a picture speaks a thousand words, then i guess there's no need to say anything when you post a video. except for this: my son is totally cute.

the other good news of christmas

2007-12-02T14:27:00.000-08:00

lots of you know that john's mom, sandra, has been battling metastatic breast cancer for the last year. she was diagnosed and started treatment in april or so and had to change/stop chemotherapy a little over half way through the process because the chemo started to be a bigger problem for her than the cancer. she was exhausted (and i don't mean that lightly) and started losing feeling in her fingers and toes- so blaine, the nurse practitioner, called a temporary stop to the treatment. needless to say, it was frightening to think of all of those beastly little cancer cells running unchecked through sandra's body and we were all nervous (though none of us would admit that to anyone else) to see what the outcome of that interruption to treatment would bring.

well, what happened was in a word...miraculous.

sandra has not had ANY chemo in almost 3 months and her tumor marker levels have continued to drop EVEN more (that's a good thing, it indicates that the tumors themselves are shrinking). we were overjoyed to know that she's OK- although we know she's been in Good Hands the whole time. it's also wonderful to know that she won't have to start chemo (and the unbelievable fatigue and poor health that causes) over the holidays. what's more, her NP says that if her PET scan still looks good in january- she won't have any chemo scheduled now at all. they'll just be monitoring her bloodwork and keeping chemo "in the arsenal" for later use.

thank you, all of you who have so faithfully prayed for sandra throughout all of this. we truly appreciate it!

i love eating

2007-11-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

josiah ate his first non-mommy-made meal yesterday...some rice cereal. he wasn't very impressed with it, so i made the mistake of thinking he wasn't ready for food.

i was wrong.

today he ate apples. he LOVED them. tonight he ate sweet potatoes. LOVED those too. i think we've got an eater on our hands. don't tell anyone that i introduced two foods on one day...if i remember correctly, you're not technically supposed to do that.

it was pretty cool, and i'm pretty excited that daddy can take over some of the feeding duties.

the one the mice made

2007-11-29T17:38:00.000-08:00

that's right folks...for two years running, ella chose to be cinderella for halloween. this year though, she stipulated the outfit. you guessed it, "the one the mice made." for those of you who haven't watched disney's cinderella lately, try and remember back...

cinderella climbs the many stairs to her castle tower after a grueling day of slave labor, sad as sad can be because her evil stepmother has ruined her chances of making a dress to wear to the ball. imagine her surprise when she opens the door to her tiny bedroom and there they are- her woodland friends- with a gorgeous dress for her to wear. that's the dress that ella wanted. so that's the dress that mommy made. sans pattern.

i think i'm pretty impressive (although i did have a generic dress pattern, to be honest, just not a pattern to tell me how on earth to make this particular dress that those disney geniuses drew NEVER to be replicated in the real world). i worked entirely from a photo i found on the internet. john thinks i should have added a hoop skirt. i didn't appreciate his input (i was 18 hours or so into the dress, after much use of the seam ripper). i think john's pretty impressive too, as he only grumbled a few times about the pink ribbons and material strewn all over our kitchen table.

she looked cute.

oh, and so did her brother. i like to call his costume "baby tiger."

she really liked her costume. her brother wasn't so sure.

the new me

2007-10-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's right. With a new baby, a husband recently home from cruising the Persian Gulf and a daughter with no end to her antics...I chose to write our first post about me. I cut my hair. For those of you who haven't seen me in a while, it was long. And when I say long, I mean down-to-the-fanny long. I cut 16 inches off and donated it to an organization called "Locks for Love" which makes wigs for children who, for medical reasons, have no hair. Lest you start to think that I'm a wonderful person, maybe my motivation was getting to tell you all how nice I am.

And it doesn't hurt to have tons (almost literally) less hair to deal with. I actually want to go in and get a little more chopped off.

The rest of the Wagners are fine. The boy is gigantic, the girl is precocious and their daddy is entering the FRS (training squadron for you non-military types) again to learn the new Sierra model of the MH-60 Knighthawk.